Navigating social settings can be tricky for anyone, but for neurodiverse individuals, it often presents unique challenges. Social cues, unspoken norms, and varying interpretations can sometimes result in misunderstandings. Yet, these hurdles shouldn't mean defeat. With the right strategies, neurodiverse people can thrive in social environments, making connections more enjoyable and less overwhelming. Whether it's understanding body language, managing sensory overload, or knowing when to take breaks, or exit the setting completely these tips can create fulfilling social experiences.
Common Challenges in Social Settings
Navigating social situations can sometimes feel like your are going through life using a different map than everyone else which can sometimes cause misunderstandings or frustrations .It's not always harder or easier but just different. For neurodiverse individuals, everyday interactions might present unique challenges:
- Reading Social Cues:
- Neurodiverse people might struggle to interpret body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice. I sometimes struggle to read the room when I am chatting away not paying much attention.
- Sensory Overload:
- Bright lights, loud noises, or crowded places can be overwhelming, making it difficult to focus on conversations. So much this! Or when multiple sounds are happening at once, like there is music on, the Tv is also on, people talking all at once etc, is well A LOT. I tend to avoid environments like this these days.
- Verbal Communication:
- Some individuals might find it hard to express thoughts in words or to follow fast-paced discussions. I have always found this difficult but now that I am older the word fog struggle is real yeesh.
- Social Anxiety:
- The pressure to fit in or fear of misunderstanding can lead to anxiety, causing withdrawal from social settings. Yep, It has for me I have to find situations I can tolerate for a couple of hours or be in somewhat control of the environment which is tricky as hosting something is also overwhelming.
- Sometimes I have social anxiety and other times I can dive right in and start chatting or doing whatever the group is doing. Which is great until I leave the event then the dreaded… Why did I say or do that comes into play. Or was I annoying or did people actually like me and find me funny or were they just being nice. Ugh so frustrating right and its hard not to obsess about tiny details most people probably didn't even notice.
Strategies for Social Interaction
So how in the heck do you work with instead of against the issues above. Well I don't know why you are asking me I have no idea and avoid them…..Just kidding I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't have some type of insight.
1. Practice Active Listening
Active listening is more than just hearing words; it's about really understanding and engaging with the person speaking. When you practice active listening, you give your full attention to the speaker, make eye contact, and respond thoughtfully. But reaalllllllly reallly hard for someone with ADHD but I have heard medications help but I don't have experience with that at the time of this writing. So how then do you work toward active listening? Like this:
- Reflecting: Restate or paraphrase what the speaker has said to show you understand. Plus it helps me to make sure I heard someone correctly. I did that many times daily at work. To do this though you have to be fully present. Much easier for people that don't have their mind go on side quests.
- Open-Ended Questions: Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer to encourage the speaker to elaborate. This also makes the other person feel like you have an genuine interest in them and their life. Some people are looking for someone to connect with them like that.
- Clarification: If something isn't clear, politely ask for details.
- Maintaining eye contact: Or some form of it as it can be uncomfortable for many people myself included. I will realize my focus has drifted to somewhere other than the person and I have to constantly redirect myself which is a pain and awkward. But important in letting the other person feel important and heard. How many times have you tried to have a conversation with someone scrolling their phone, I always feel not important and that I am being annoying. So I try to have eye contact even though uncomfortable for at least half the conversation.
- Avoid Judgements: Enjoy the conversation as it flows and try to avoid things like implicit bias that can complicate and cloud your responses in the social setting you are currently in. Just like all neurodivergent people are different each social interaction you have will also be different. But that is ok it keeps life interesting. I can also see how that would make some uncomfortable in social settings that are different than what you have experienced before but I promise it will be ok and you will learn something about yourself with each interaction.
Active listening is also beneficial at work. It allowed me to make sure I was understanding things right and it made the other person feel heard at the same time. Which is a win win unless the other person was spicy and cranky and didn't feel the same way. I am sure we have all had those type of encounters. Bleh no thank you. And for me it was mostly at work and less often when out in about but there are difficult people everywhere.
2. Use of Visual Supports
Sometimes verbal communication isn't enough, especially when understanding social cues. That's where visual supports can come in handy. Visual aids like photographs, symbols, the invite or email to an event or written information handed out at an event can help in understanding and processing information. And it can also ease your mind knowing what to expect.
- Understanding: They make information clearer and easier to remember. There is no shame in writing something down to refer to later. There are note apps on phones for a reason these days and I use a them daily.
- Confidence: With a visual reference, it’s easier to understand what’s happening and how to respond. This is fact. I just did some testing and the part where questions were read out loud instead of something I couldn't just read and respond were gaaaaah so not cool.
- Icons: I uses icons my digital calendars to get my attention to certain days or details.
- Visual support board: You could also build a board on your phone via an app or in a note section or calendar. If you freeze up or can't remember what to say or do you can refer to that or even point to the symbol/photo to the other person until you can gather you words back together.
3. Develop Conversation Starters
Starting a conversation can feel like standing at the edge of a pool, debating whether to jump in or go find the ladder for a gentle step in. Having a few conversation starters in mind can ease nerves and open up dialogue.
- “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?”
- “Have you seen any good movies lately?”
- “What's your favorite meal to cook?”
These are a few ideas that can get you started. If you are still stuck you can look into more conversation starter ideas. I rarely use these individually, I pretty much do a mashed up combo of a few naturally. I often find it best to look around the environment I am in and find something or someone I can connect with. This can be something simple like a shirt someone is wearing, something they are eating/drinking. Or just casually overhearing a conversation and softly jumping in and agreeing on what is being talked about.
Social settings can seem dauting and overwhelming and you may want to find any way you can to get out of it. I certainly have done so in the past but that just makes the next social situation harder. Like with everything it takes practice to get or feel better about something. I often say oh I'll go for a half hour or hour and see how it goes and sometimes I stay longer and other times I am like ok that was a good run time to go.
4. Set Personal Boundaries
Establishing personal boundaries is important in social interactions. It's about knowing your limits and communicating them clearly to others. Boundaries help to protect your energy and make socializing less exhausting.
- Be clear and concise when stating your boundaries. You don't have to go around to everyone declaring all your boundaries but keep it simple and tell one or two people. Something like ok I will meet for dinner for an hour but if I start to feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable I will need to leave. Or say we can leave and go to a less overwhelming environment.
- Use “I” statements to express your needs (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…”).
- Practice saying no without guilt when necessary. This is hard for people pleasers but it does get a bit easier with time, although I will admit it is quite awkward when first starting out.
5. Role-Playing Scenarios
Role-playing can be a fantastic way to prepare for real-life interactions in social settings. By simulating social scenarios, you can practice how to respond to different situations, helping to build confidence.
- Practice introductions with a friend or family member.
- Simulate a casual small talk scenario.
- Try out a situation where you need to express your needs or boundaries.
Or if you feel silly acting these out with someone, try a mirror, if that is too uncomfortable write it out as practice. Then recite in your head on the way to the event. Then you will feel more prepared and hopefully less overwhelmed and anxious.
6. Start with Small Groups
Starting in smaller groups is like dipping your toes in the water before jumping in. Small groups offer a chance to interact without feeling overwhelmed. Begin by joining family gatherings or hanging out with a couple of friends. This setting minimizes anxiety and allows you to get comfortable at your own pace. This practice builds a strong foundation, enabling you to gradually increase your capacity during social interactions.
7. Celebrate Small Wins
Why wait for the big moments to celebrate? Every small win, like making eye contact or starting a conversation, deserves recognition. Or that you spoke up about an overwhelming environment and changes were made such as adjusting the lighting. I sometimes find when the lights are dimmed I can feel more relaxed in a situation. Celebrating these victories can boost your morale and motivate you to continue. Consider keeping a journal where you jot down these victories. With each entry, your confidence will grow, and you'll see just how far you've come. Also writing down things you felt you could have done better will help you improve with every situation you encounter in social situations or in life in general.
8.Seek Feedback
Seeking feedback from trusted friends can be like having a GPS for your social journey. Constructive input helps you understand what works and what might need a tweak. Friends can offer honest insights into how you express yourself, giving you a clearer picture of how to improve. It's about refining your approach, not changing who you are. And close supportive friends and family can be tell you how you are doing before you go meet other people that don't know you as well. You can improve your skills to make other interactions better and less overwhelming.
9.Join Support Groups
Joining a support group specifically for neurodiverse individuals can be a game-changer. These groups offer a safe space to practice social skills and build relationships with others who understand your experiences. Here, you can share tips, practice new strategies, and gain confidence from collective support. Consider groups like those in community centers or online forums that focus on neurodiversity and social skills.
10. Encourage Open Communication
Communication is like a bridge that connects us all. But for neurodiverse individuals, this bridge needs to be a bit wider and stronger to make sure everyone crosses safely. Open communication builds strong connections by encouraging clear and honest interactions between neurodiverse individuals and their support networks.
- Ask Directly: Encourage people who you are interacting with to share their preferences in communication. This can involve how they like to be approached or topics they prefer to discuss. Also share your preferences and see how they overlap and what kind of compromises can be made that work for everyone.
- Be Patient: Sometimes, it may take time for you to express yourself. Give yourself patience and understanding as well as giving other people you are communicating with time to adapt.
- Value Different Styles: Embrace different communication styles. Everyone is unique, and differences can be enriching. It would be quite boring if we were all the same wouldn't it? Change is hard but it is often necessary and good for us.
11. Educate Others about Neurodiversity
If you are newly diagnosed and want to tell people or if you have known for awhile sometimes it is best to clarify what neurodiversity. The reality is many people do not know about it or haven't heard the term. I didn't until a couple of years ago when I started putting the puzzling pieces of myself together. You can approach others and ask them to imagine a world where everyone speaks a language you don’t understand. This can be what a neurodiverse person feels in an uninformed environment. Educating those around you is the key to bridging this gap and fostering mutual understanding. It also:
- Increases Awareness: By teaching friends and family about neurodiversity, they can better understand the challenges faced by yourself and other neurodiverse individuals. Also emphasize that no two neurodivergent people are alike and every situation will be different and require different approaches.
- Promotes Empathy: Knowledge often leads to empathy. When people learn more about neurodiversity, they are more likely to offer compassionate responses.
- Encourages Supportive Behavior: Education can inspire supportive actions, leading to a more inclusive and accommodating environment for yourself and others they will encounter in their lifetime.
By creating an environment where communication flows freely and knowledge about neurodiversity is widespread, you are helping to ensure that neurodiverse individuals feel understood, accepted, and supported in all social settings and have the chance at forming genuine connections with others. Start small and work your way up into forming special relationships along the way.
